I had been working in the same field on and off for almost ten years. I worked my way up from the lowest position into a position that I thought was going to be beneficial for my future career plans. The reason I say that is, I knew and so did everyone else, that I had no desire to stay in the field and was pursuing a degree in something else. However, I moved up to gain experience and because they felt I had something to offer them. Mutually it was beneficial. Until it wasn’t. I stalled myself at a specific point and didn’t wish to go any further but took on various titles and responsibilities because they honestly just didn’t know where to put me. At some point I outgrew my job. I needed more than they could offer. Although tasks were thrown at me and they found things for me to do, it was obvious that I had reached a point far beyond what was available. They couldn’t keep up with me. This sounds boastful but here me out. For a long time, I accepted simplicity and mediocracy. We all have a role to play, and this was mine. Everyone had struggles and finances were mine. Later in life I realized it wasn’t finances that were my issue, it was life. I hadn’t lived it right. I settled. I would rather be broke and say I tried, then to life unsatisfied saying I didn’t. That’s where regrets came in and I couldn’t find comfort in the idea of it anymore. I needed to grow and experience all that I could.
Up until a few years ago, I had never been to a concert. Something so easily accomplishable and so benign in terms of adventuring and experiencing the world, and yet it was something that absolutely bothered me, to no end. So, I went to one. The backstreet boys to be exact. They were awesome if you’re wondering. Afterwards, I still wanted more. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind for a long time, but it nagged and nagged and nagged. There was never a specific day where I woke up and said this is it. It happened in moments that added up and slowly I began to build the courage to take action. I tried playing the long game, I tried waiting for something, an opportunity, my degree to finish, a miracle. Throughout a few months in my position, I had up’s and down’s, I liked my job, I loved the people, it was simple, and I was gaining professional experience from it. Or was I? Some days I had work to do, which was satisfying, but other days I came in and I was completely lost on what to do now, I was a go-getter, I was eager, and I accomplished my work in a timely manner. To the point, I was asked to slow down so they had time to find something for me to do. Sometimes, I would just do something, without asking, because I knew it needed to be done. The tasks they gave me were new and something I had never done before, I had to teach myself to do the majority of these and to an extent that was both frustrating and prideful. There was nothing I couldn’t accomplish. This, however, was the issue. I realized something fairly quickly, I wasn’t being challenged enough, to say again, I needed more. Something I should mention, this was a small company with a very personal type of atmosphere, it lacked professionalism as the main functionality. For someone like myself, who was looking to grow professionally, try as I might, it wasn’t happening here, and I couldn’t bear it. The lines between professional and personal life were being blurred and it took a mental toll on everyone.
Eventually, my new adventurous desires and attitude towards life, put me on a path of finding myself that couldn’t be settled by simplicity anymore. So, I quit. I shunned the fear of what’s next and what if’s and instead chose to explore passion and desire and I encourage others to pursue theirs as well. Now I am on my journey waiting to see where it leads. This isn’t my lifestyle, it’s my un-lifestyle.
Comments